Strange Happenings in a Cabin in the Woods
by Sakura Amadare
Summary: The Fellowship members are lost in the woods when they happen upon a cabin. They enter and find a girl who’s a little out of it and some very strange animals, and now they are trapped. Will they ever get out? And if they do, will their state of mind e
1. Lost and Findings

Disclaimer: the Fellowship characters are NOT mine, the never have been and they never will be. However, Kirby, (the girl, not the little bubble gum looking guy), and all her animal friends are MINE! MINE AND NO ONE ELSE'S! Ahem, ok, that's all I have to say.

Summary: The Fellowship members are lost in the woods when they happen upon a cabin. They enter and find a girl who's a little out of it and some very strange animals, and now they are trapped. Will they ever get out? And if they do, will their state of mind ever be the same again? 

Authoress's Note: For those of you that do not like insane people or anything that is illogical, I suggest that you find another story to read.

****

Chapter 1: Lost and Findings

[It's noon. The Fellowship is wandering in the woods. Gandalf and Aragorn are in the lead, and following behind them in this said order are: Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Sam and Bill the Pony, Gimli, Boromir and Legolas]

Pippin: Gandalf, we've been walking all day, let's stop and take a rest.

Merry: Yes, good idea, Pip. It's high time for lunch anyway.

Gandalf: [tensely] No! We will not stop! Not yet!

Pippin: But I'm tired.

[Murmurs of agreement come from the rest of the Fellowship] 

Aragorn: [comes to Gandalf's side] Is something the matter? You seem a bit tense.

Gandalf: [sighs] these woods are not familiar to me. Do not tell the others but… [quietly] I think we are lost.

Legolas: [hears Gandalf and runs to the front to him] We're lost?

Gandalf: Perhaps not, I have not been here for many a year, it may be that I have just forgotten what this used to look like. But if I remember correctly, there should be a clearing up ahead. We can stop there.

Legolas: [sighs in relief]

[A few minutes later, the Fellowship looks up to see a small cabin]

Gandalf: Well, I was right, this is the clearing, but it seems that it is now occupied.

Frodo: Should we knock?

[A long silence follows]

Pippin: Oh for heaven's sake! [runs up to the door]

Gandalf: Pippin, NO!

Pippin: [knocks on the door]

Kirby: [Is rocking in a corner muttering to a key] [hears knocking and comes to the door] [opens it] [looks around and finally looks down to see Pippin] Hello.

Pippin: Hello. My friends and I were walking and we just happened upon your house here. Do you think we could stay, just for a little while?

Kirby: Sure…Where are your friends anyway?

Pippin: [looks back] [there is no sign of the rest of the Fellowship]

Fellowship minus Pippin: [hiding in bushes and behind trees] 

Pippin: [cups his hands over his mouth] Guys, it's ok! She said we could stay.

Fellowship minus Pippin: [hesitantly emerge from their hiding places]

Kirby: Well, hello there. Come on now, don't be shy.

Fellowship minus Pippin: [cautiously walks over]

Kirby: [grins] Hi, I'm Kirby! You can come on in if you'd like; it's no problem [spots Bill the Pony] You can go ahead and put your pony in the stable over there [points to the stable]

Sam: [glances over at the stable, then turns and takes Bill over to it] don't worry Bill, if you need me just neigh and I'll come right out.

Bill: [snorts and nods his head]

Sam: [smiles] All right then [walks back to the Fellowship]

Kirby: Come in [opens the door wide]

Fellowship: [walks into the house]

Kirby: [once they're all inside, eyes glaze over and her smile looks deranged] [she pulls a key out of her pocket, slams the door and locks it]

Fellowship: [turns, startled by the loud noise]

Kirby: [still grinning insanely, opens her mouth and drops the key into it, then gulps it down loudly]

Fellowship: [gape at Kirby]

Kirby: [giggling madly] Yay! I've got you! I've got you! Now you'll have to stay with me FOREVER!

Fellowship: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

FIVE HOURS LATER

Fellowship: …OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [finally run out of breath] [look up to see Kirby leaning against the door snoring] 

Kirby: [snorts and wakes up] oh, you're finished? Ok.

Aragorn: [boldly steps up to her] what do you want with us?

Kirby: I've been alone for so long, I just want some company.

Gandalf: well why didn't you just ask us to stay then?

Kirby: [giggles] I don't know.

Fellowship: o.O

Pippin: I'm hungry.

Kirby: [eyes go wide and glazed] are you? I have food. Would you like some of it? 

Pippin: [frightened] n-n-n-no thank you [runs and hides behind Boromir]

Boromir: [angrily] you are scaring the Hobbits!

Kirby: [eyes still wide and glazed, looks at Boromir] am I?

Boromir: [not quite so toughly] umm… 

Legolas: we've brought food of our own.

Kirby: [looks at Legolas] ok.

Legolas: [unaffected by Kirby's huge glossy eyes]

Fellowship: [slowly edge to the corner farthest away from Kirby and unpack food from their packs]

Sam: [muttering to Frodo] I knew no good would come of that girl. Perhaps I should whack her over the head with the frying pan; she'll never know what hit her.

Frodo: no, Sam. Though she seems insane, I think there's more to this girl than we realize.

Pippin: [overhears] what could there be? She's obviously a maniac and we should avoid her as much as possible. 

Merry: [also overhears] no Pip, I think Frodo's right. We should at least give her a chance before we jump to conclusions. But if she tries to hurt us in any way, feel free to whack away, Sam.

Sam: [smiles grimly and nods]

Aragorn: Gandalf, what will we do? This girl is obviously crazy. We must do something. We have to find a way out of here.

Gandalf: I know, but we have to think, and we have to plan carefully. We don't know what she's capable of. We must watch her first, and then takes choices on action.

Boromir: I don't know why you all are so worried, she seems harmless enough to me; she's just a bit scary.

Gimli: Ha! That's what she wants you to think Boromir. But mock my words, if we're not careful, she may kill us all in our sleep.

Legolas: No need to worry about that. I won't sleep; I'll be on constant watch. If anything seems off…All right, everything _is _off, but if anything seems off-er, I'll warn you right away. But otherwise I must agree with Boromir, I don't think she'll hurt us.

~ * ~

Authoress's Note: Ok, I know that was not funny at all, but bear with me, please. Next chapter is when the real insanity starts. Please review.


	2. Preparations

****

Chapter 2: Preparations

Kirby: [lights candles, as it is getting dark inside the cabin]

Fellowship: [watches her warily]

Kirby: [looks at them] [eyes widen and glaze over] how are you doing?

Fellowship: [briefly] fine.

Kirby: [smiles and nods, then turns back to the candles] [once she finishes lighting the candles, she turns to the Fellowship] And now, for your entertainment pleasure, my friends and I will perform for you.

Fellowship: …

Kirby: [smiles and walks to her pink refrigerators. Knocks on the doors] Blue! Nana!

[Roars can be heard inside the refrigerators]

Kirby: [steps back and waits]

[Both doors fly open] [two blue polar bears emerge from pink frigidares (fridges)] 

Blue: [yawns and looks at Kirby]

Nana: [does the same as Blue]

Fellowship: [stunned and frightened silence]

Kirby: [smiles] hi you two!

Blue and Nana: [roar]

Fellowship: [cower]

Kirby: [laughs] we have guests. Go say hi while I get the others. [turns and walks to a door, opens it, walks into the room and then closes the door again]

Nana and Blue: [lumber over to the Fellowship and sniff at them]

Fellowship: [remain silent and very still]

Nana: [sniffs at Sam and then nudges him]

Sam: umm…hello.

Blue: [sniffs at Gandalf and nudges him]

Gandalf: [smiles and pets him] these animals are friendly. They won't hurt us. 

Hobbits: [laugh and pet Nana]

Nana: [makes soft rumbling noises and nuzzles the Hobbits affectionately]

Pippin: what are they?

Legolas: [kisses Blue's nose] didn't you hear the author? 

Everyone: [turns to him in astonishment]

Ruby: [bursts into the room giving Legolas the death glare] [hisses] Legolas! 

Legolas: what?

Boromir: you're not supposed to mention the author.

Legolas: Oh [laughs sheepishly] Woops. 

Ruby: [turns to Pippin] but just to answer your question, they're blue polar bears.

Pippin: ok.

Ruby: oh, and this never happened.

Fellowship: [nods]

Ruby: [jumps onto an invisible horse and disappears through a wall] 

Kirby: [opens the door of the room] 

[Six purple chickens, four green penguins, one pink dog, one red-and-green-striped cat, twenty polka-dot macarena-dancing ants, three golden monkeys, two silver horses and five rainbow ducks pour out of the room] [There is a chorus of frantic animal sounds] 

Fellowship: [jump up and back against the wall]

Legolas: all right, I know that girls are into animals, but this is too much.

Gimli: I am being squished.

Sam: shoo! Shoo!

Purple Chicken: [pecks at Sam's foot]

Merry: [muffled] can't breathe.

Nana: [is pressed against Merry]

Kirby: [comes out of the room in a blue nightgown and a thin blue cloak] [pushes a tree prop into the gathering room] [yells] QUIET!!!!!!!

All: [silent]

Kirby: [calmly] Now, Pinky, (the pink dog), Stripes, (the green-and-red-striped cat), come here please.

Pinky and Stripes: [walk over to Kirby]

Kirby: [goes to a crank in the wall and turns it] 

[A harness attached to a cord is lowered from the roof] 

Kirby: [walks over to Pinky and places him in the harness] [goes back to the crank and turns it] 

Pinky: [whimpers as he is lifted into the air]

Kirby: [walks back to Stripes] here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Stripes: [purrs and walks over]

Kirby: [lifts the cat into her arms and places her on a hidden ledge on top of the tree] [turns to the two silver horses] Shimmer, I'll only be needing Silver in this piece.

Shimmer: [snorts and goes back into the room]

Kirby: [turns to the rainbow ducks] Rainbow Troupe, you're not in this one either.

Rainbow Ducks: [quack and complain loudly]

Kirby: [yells] GET INTO THE ROOM NOW!

Rainbow Ducks: [quack and rush back into the room]

Kirby: [turns to the polka-dot macarena-dancing ants] Ants, I only need two of you.

Ants: [eighteen of the ants go in single file back to the room] [the Queen and a chosen servant stay]

Kirby: [turns to the blue polar bears] Blue, you know what to do.

Blue: [roars and walks to the front]

Nana: [walks back to her pink frigidare and sits down inside, leaving the door open so she can watch]

Kirby: okay! Everyone, take your places.

Animals: [apparently knowing what piece they're going to do, they get into order]

Fellowship: [now that most of the animals have cleared out, they are able to move once more] 

Merry: [inhales deeply]

Kirby: [turns to the Fellowship] gentlemen, please have a seat.

Fellowship: [sits down on the floor]

Aragorn: [whispers to Gandalf] what is this girl trying to do?

Gandalf: [shrugs] I think she's going to perform for us.

Legolas: [overhears Gandalf] this should be interesting.

Kirby: [clears her throat] For your entertainment pleasure, my animal friends and I will sing and act out our version of the oh so popular song _"Do You Hear What I Hear?"_

Pippin: [mutters to other Hobbits] well that depends, what is she hearing?

Hobbits: [snicker]

Kirby: And now, let the show begin!


	3. Performing and Tears

****

Chapter 3: Performing and Tears

Green Penguins: [stand a little away from the rest of the animals humming]

Kirby: [grabs the edges of her cloak and lifts it up to shoulder height] 

Golden Monkeys: [mount Silver]

Silver: [neighs and stomps]

Ants: [sing and dance Macarena]

Pinky: [whimpers from the roof]

Stripes: [paces restlessly]

Purple Chickens: [cluck and peck at the Fellowship]

Pippin: [yells] LEAVE US ALONE!

Gandalf: oh, for the love of the Valar! [whacks the Chickens away with his staff]

Purple Chickens: [cluck indignantly]

Kirby: [angrily] hey! [hits Gandalf over the head] leave my Chickens alone!

Gandalf: [growls but controls the urge to whack Kirby to death]

Kirby: [comes to the front of the room] [claps her hands] and now we will begin.

Everyone: [falls silent]

Kirby: [walks to one side of the room, then nods to the Green Penguins]

Green Penguins: [sing in harmony] _Said the north wind to the polar bear_

Kirby: [walks to Blue making wind sounds while the Penguins sing] [sings shrilly and out of tune] _Do you see what I see?_

Green Penguins: [sing] _Do you see what I see_—

Green Penguins and Kirby: [sing] _way up in the sky polar bear?_

Kirby: [sings] _Do you see what I see? _[looks and points up]

Blue: [looks up]

Green Penguins: [look up and sing] _Do you see what I see?_

Green Penguins and Kirby: _A dog, a dog, dancing in the night—_

Pinky: [swings around dancing]

Green Penguins and Kirby: _with a tail as pink a-as gum, with a tail as pink a-as gum._

Blue: [turns to the Purple Chickens]

__

Green Penguins: [sing] _Said the polar bear to the purple chickens_

Blue: _roar roar roar roar roar roar? _[translation: do you hear what I hear?]

Green Penguins: [sing] _Do you hear what I hear—_

Green Penguins and Blue: [Penguins sing, Blue roars] _Ringing through the sky purple chickens?_

Blue: _roar roar roar roar roar roar? _[translation: do you hear what I hear?]

Green Penguins: _Do you hear what I hear?_

Green Penguins and Blue: _A cat, a cat, meowing through the trees— _

Stripes: [meows loudly from her spot in the tree]

Green Penguins and Blue: _with a voice as big as the sea, with a voice as big as the sea._

[Kirby and her animals continue to sing until the song ends]

Hobbits: [applaud vigorously]

Fellowship minus the Hobbits: o.O

Hobbits: [stop clapping]

Kirby and Co.: [bow] thank you, thank you.

Kirby: [walks to the crank in the wall and turns it]

Boromir: [rushes to free the trembling pink dog]

Pinky: [runs away]

Aragorn: [gets Stripes out of the tree]

Stripes: [purrs and rubs himself against Aragorn's legs]

Aragorn: [smiles and pets the red-and-green-striped cat] [sits down]

Pinky and Stripes: [run into the other room bickering]

Golden Monkeys, Silver, and Queen and Servant Ant: [follow Pinky and Stripes]

Kirby: [turns to the Fellowship] and now we will perform our version of _"Angels We Have Heard On High"_

Hobbits: yes! Another performance!

Fellowship minus Hobbits: no!

Hobbits: [look dejected]

Blue: [walks over to his frigidare and sits inside, also leaving the door open]

Kirby: [runs into the room, taking the tree prop with her] [comes out again dragging one of those kiddy pools filled with water] Rainbow Troupe!

Rainbow Ducks: [come out of the room quacking and flapping their wings] [get into the kiddy pool, splashing a lot of water]

Green Penguins: [remain where they were standing]

Kirby: and now we shall begin

Green Penguins and Kirby: [sing in harmony]

__

Duckies we have heard on high

Sweetly quacking o'er the lake,

And the water in reply,

Echoing their quacky sounds.

Qua-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ack—

Gimli: [yells] AAAAAAAAHHH! SHUT UP! SHUT UP YOU DERANGED IDIOT! [looks at the Penguins] don't worry, you four aren't idiots.

Green Penguins and Kirby: [astonished silence]

Green Penguins: [angry at being interrupted, they huff away to the other room]

Purple Chickens: [cluck in fright] 

Kirby: [incredulously] what did you call me?

Gimli: [emphasized] an idiot! A _deranged idiot_! And in case you don't know what that means, it's a stupid person who's crazy!

Kirby: [eyes fill with tears and her lip starts to tremble] [whimpers]

Legolas: [realizes what's going to happen] [quietly] Gimli, take that back.

Gimli: what?! I most certainly will not!

Legolas: [urgently] Gimli, for all our sakes, take it back!

Gimli: [crosses his arms and shakes his head] no!

Legolas: [covers his ears]

Kirby: [screams shrilly]

Fellowship minus Legolas: [covers their ears]

Ruby: [voice-over] the scream was so shrill it would put a Nazgul to shame.

Nazgul: [emerges from a shadowed corner] [offended] hey!

Ruby: sorry…Are you supposed to be here?

Nazgul: no.

Ruby: then…get out.

Nazgul: ok [disappears in a puff of smoke]

Kirby: [stops screaming and cries tears that are a foot in length]

Fellowship minus Legolas: [astonished]

Legolas: I told you to take it back.


	4. Flash Flood

Disclaimer: the Fellowship characters are NOT mine, they never have been and they never will be. However, Kirby, (the girl, not the little bubble gum looking guy), and all her animal friends are MINE! MINE AND NO ONE ELSE'S! Ahem, ok, that's all I have to say.

****

Chapter 4: Flash Flood

Kirby: [sobs as her huge tears spill to the floor]

[Most of the floor is wet by now]

Pippin: [turns to Gimli] Gimli, that wasn't very nice! [walks over to Kirby] Kirby, don't cry, I'm sure Gimli didn't mean it.

Kirby: [cries harder]

Pippin: [drags a stool over, then climbs onto it and hugs Kirby] don't listen to that mean Dwarf [glares at Gimli] you're not a deranged idiot.

Kirby: [continues to cry]

Merry: [feeling concerned, walks over and hugs Kirby too]

Pippin: [is already soaked by Kirby's tears] aw Kirby, don't cry.

[The room is beginning to flood]

Purple Chickens: [cluck and flap their wings frantically]

Nana: [sees that Kirby is crying] [comes to her and nudges her] _roar roar roar? _[translation: what's the matter?]

Kirby: oh Nana…Gimli called me a—a— [sobs]

Blue: [walks over too, deeply confused]

Merry: [angry] he called her a deranged idiot [glares at Gimli]

Blue: [roars angrily and turns to Gimli, his teeth bared]

Gandalf: Gimli, I suggest you run, now.

Gimli: [screams and runs away]

Blue: [chases him, roaring loudly]

Kirby: [continues to cry]

[The tears are up to Merry's knees now]

Frodo and Sam: [glance at each other and nod] [walk over to Kirby and hug her]

Frodo: come now, Kirby, it's ok.

Sam: Gimli's sorry.

Gimli: [yells while still running] no I'm not!

Blue: [roars]

Kirby: [sobs]

Aragorn and Boromir: [shocked] Gimli!

Purple Chickens: [cluck in fright as they are getting wet]

Aragorn: [picks up two Chickens]

Boromir: [picks up two Chickens]

Gandalf: [picks up two Chickens] there now, Chickens, you're safe.

Hobbits: [pull away from Kirby]

Pippin: [dismayed] she's resisting Hobbit hugs. You must have really hurt her, Gimli.

Gimli: [still running] I don't care!

Blue: [roars]

Nana: [gets up on her hind legs and licks Kirby's cheek] [makes rumbling noises as she gets down again]

Kirby: [sobs] Nana [wraps her arms around the polar bear's neck]

Legolas: [looks desperate] Gandalf, what will we do? We're all going to drown!

Gandalf: [shakes his head] I don't know what to do. I don't think she's going to stop crying unless Gimli apologizes.

[The water has reached up to the Hobbits' chests now]

Merry: [frantically] we're going to drown!

Ruby: [disembodied voice] not in my story you won't! Climb on!

[A pink inflatable couch suddenly appears]

Hobbits: [scramble onto the couch]

Aragorn: what about us?

Ruby: [disembodied voice] sorry, buddy, you're on your own.

Boromir: [sarcastically] Gee, thanks.

Ruby: [disembodied voice] oh, no prob, Bori.

Legolas: what will we do now?

Gimli: [frantically scrambles onto the inflatable couch]

Blue: [stops in front of Gimli growling fiercely]

Gimli: [squeaks in fear]

Blue: [gets on his hind legs and lifts his paw high] 

Ruby: [appears beside Blue and taps him on the shoulder] ahem! [nods towards the screen]

Blue: [suddenly glances at the screen and notices the younger readers] [smiles sheepishly and drags Gimli out of view]

Gimli: [screams and tries to find something to grab on to]

Ruby: [nods with satisfaction and fades out of view]

[Lots of pounding and growling noises can be heard, but the focus remains on the Hobbits, whose eyes are as big as saucers]

Gimli: [crawls back into view; he's bruised and his clothes are tattered]

Hobbits: [pull Gimli onto the couch]

Gimli: [buries his face in his hands and cries]

Hobbits: [watch helplessly]

[The water is now up to the others' stomachs]

Legolas: [glances over at Kirby and sees that she is no longer hugging Nana] [thinks a moment, then walks over and touches Kirby's shoulder]

Kirby: [ignores him and continues to cry]

Legolas: Kirby, come now, calm yourself [tries to stroke Kirby's hair]

Kirby: [pulls away]

Legolas: [lifts Kirby and sits her on the stool] Kirby, look at me, come on [lifts her chin]

Kirby: [reluctantly looks at Legolas]

Legolas: [calmly] Gimli is sorry and he didn't mean anything he said.

Gimli: [sobs] I'm not sorry and I did mean it! You _are _a deranged idiot.

Blue: [roars savagely]

Gimli: [squeaks in terror and hides behind Frodo]

Hobbits: [kick Gimli off the couch for insulting Kirby again]

Gimli: [thrashes around in the water for a moment and then gets on the couch again] 

Kirby: [tears spring anew] [sobs loudly]

Legolas: [pities Kirby] [hugs her tight] [is soon drenched by her tears]

Hobbits: [watch in dismay as the water continues to rise]

[The water is up to the others' chests]

Aragorn: [grabs Legolas's arm] Legolas, we have to go, we must save ourselves.

Legolas: [lets go of Kirby and turns to Aragorn] [glances back at Kirby] Kirby, come on [grabs her hand and tries to pull her up]

Kirby: [shakes her head and pulls her hand away] [continues to cry]

Legolas: Kirby, you can't stay here, you'll drown.

Kirby: [doesn't move and continues to cry]

Aragorn: [gives Legolas's arm a hard tug]

Legolas: [reluctantly follows Aragorn and the others, looking back at Kirby to see if she'll follow them]

Hobbits and Gimli: [are relatively safe since the couch floats]

Boromir, Aragorn and Gandalf: [set the Purple Chickens on a floating coffee table]

Purple Chickens: [cluck in fear]

Gandalf: all right, let's see if we can find something to float on.

[They wade away through the tears]

Hobbits: [are sitting as far away from Gimli as possible] [give him the death glare]

Gimli: [feels utterly alone]

Sam: [worried] I wonder where the others are.

Merry: [wondering] who knows…

Frodo: [shivers] is it just me or is it getting cold all of a sudden?

Pippin: [yawns] no, it's you.

Merry: [elbows Pippin hard] it _is_ getting cold.

Pippin: [massages his bruised ribs]

[Pretty soon all four Hobbits are yawning]

Merry: perhaps we should take… [yawns] take a little cat nap.

Pippin, Frodo and Sam: [yawn and agree]

Gimli: yes; that's a good idea.

Hobbits: [give Gimli the death glare] [lean against each other and are soon snoring softly]

Gimli: [curls up on his side of the couch and drifts off to sleep]

A/N: I think the funny is dying in this story. It'll be getting more dramatic from here on out, though I'll try to sprinkle humor in when I can.


	5. What Will We Do?

****

Chapter 5: What Will We Do?

Frodo: [wakes up but doesn't open his eyes] [shivers and snuggles closer to whoever is next to him]

[The movement wakes up the other Hobbits]

Merry: [sits up and rub his eyes sleepily]

Pippin: [sits up and stretches and yawns]

Frodo: [groans softly and tries to go back to sleep]

Sam: [yawns and opens his eyes] [gasps]

Frodo: [sits up] what's wrong, Sam? [opens his eyes and gasps as well]

Merry and Pippin: [open their eyes] [gasp and stare in amazement]

[The room is blurred by fog, but the distinct shapes of icebergs can be seen floating around]

Gimli: [sits up and opens his eyes] oh my…

Pippin: [amazed] what's happened?

Merry: [astounded] I…don't know.

Sam: [awed] some how the temperature must've reached the freezing point and now there are icebergs and fog.

Gimli and Hobbits minus Sam: [look at Sam in amazement]

Sam: [blushes]

Frodo: [worried] where could the others be?

Merry: [cups his hands over his mouth] BOROMIR!!!

Pippin: [cups his hands over his mouth] GANDALF!!!

Frodo: [mimics Merry and Pippin] ARAGORN!!!

Gimli: [imitates the Hobbits] LEGOLAS!!!

Hobbits: [give Gimli the death glare]

Merry: [makes as if to push Gimli off the couch]

Frodo, Pippin and Sam: [restrain him]

Aragorn: FRODO?!

Merry: [suddenly notices a flashlight that wasn't there before] hmm… [grabs it] Pip, look at this [shows him the flashlight]

Pippin: I wonder what it does… [sees the little switch and flicks it]

[A light shines out from the head of the flashlight]

Boromir: [yells] WE SEE A LIGHT! IS THAT YOU?

Sam: [notices the flashlight] [yells] YES! YES, IT'S US!

Gandalf: [yells] KEEP THE LIGHT ON!

Hobbits and Gimli: [stare into the fog until they see a large shadow floating towards them]

Legolas and Aragorn: [use their oars to row the inflatable raft towards the light]

[Soon the other group is face to face with the Hobbits and Gimli]

Gandalf: [relieved] Peregrin Took, I never thought I'd say this, but…I'm glad to see you.

Pippin: [happily] I'm glad to see you too, Gandalf.

Aragorn: [concerned] are all of you all right?

Hobbits and Gimli: [nod]

[There is a splash]

Fellowship: [turns towards the noise] [see another shadow looming towards them]

[The shadow comes closer and closer]

Merry: [shines the flashlight on the shadow] [amazed] it's the Purple Chickens!

Purple Chickens: [cluck at the Fellowship]

[The Purple Chickens are on the coffee table that they had been left on] [two Green Penguins are tied to the table and they're pulling it]

Pippin: [awed] and two of the Green Penguins!

Fellowship: [turn their attention back to each other]

Gimli: [curiously] where did you find that? [points to the raft]

Legolas: [curtly] we found it in a closet.

Pippin: [amazed] how did you manage to inflate it so quickly?

Gandalf: fool of a Took! We just pulled a cord and it inflated on its own!

Purple Chickens: [cluck as their table collides with the Hobbits' couch]

Green Penguins: [quickly gnaw the ropes that bind them to the coffee table and swim away]

Purple Chickens: [cluck angrily but see that there is no way to stop the Penguins] [turn to the couch] [are attracted by the color pink and climb onto it]

Sam: NO!

Purple Chickens: [peck at the couch] [poke holes in the couch]

Hobbits and Gimli: [scream as the couch begins to deflate]

Boromir: [grabs Merry and Pippin and pulls them onto the raft]

Aragorn: [grabs Frodo and Sam and pulls them onto the raft]

Legolas: [reluctantly grabs Gimli and pulls him onto the raft]

Gandalf: [quickly puts the Purple Chicknes back on their coffee table]

Purple Chickens: [cluck thankfully at Gandalf]

Gandalf: you're welcome.

Fellowship minus Gandalf: o.O

Gandalf: [looks at them] what? I speak Chicken!

[A long silence follows]

Pippin: [extremely worried] where's Kirby?

Fellowship minus Pippin: [suddenly worried too] [murmur anxiously]

Pippin: we have to find her! 

Legolas and Aragorn: [take up their oars and start to row again]

Blue and Nana: [paddle their legs to keep themselves afloat] [sense something approaching and roar]

Gandalf: [roars back but in a friendly way]

[They soon find the two Blue Polar Bears, and there is someone sprawled on Blue's back]

Legolas: [horrified] Kirby!

Boromir and Aragorn: [gently lift Kirby from Blue's back and bring her onto the raft] 

Nana: [nuzzles Kirby until she is out of her reach]

[Kirby's lips are almost blue with cold, and she is deathly pale]

Gandalf: [touches Kirby's cheek] [draws his hand back with a gasp] she's so cold…

Fellowship: [horrified]

Legolas: [reaches over and presses two fingers gently to the back of Kirby's neck] [sighs in relief] there's a pulse! It's very faint, but at least it's there.

Fellowship: [relieved]

Gandalf: [explains to Nana and Blue that Kirby is alive]

Blue and Nana: [roar happily]

Merry: hey, listen…

Eveyone: [fall silent and listen]

[The "Macarena" song can be heard]

Frodo: it must be that polka-dot macarena-dancing ants.

Pippin: how could they be dancing at a time like this?

Gimli: it's not only that, it's—

Everyone: [gives Gimil the death glare]

Gimli: [shuts up]

Sam: it sounds like it's coming from the roof…

[A thoughtful silence follows]

Aragorn: of course! The attic! Kirby must have an attic!

Fellowship minus Gimli: [murmurs in agreement]

Gandalf: [to Nana and Blue] _roar roar roar roar roar roar roar? _[translation: do you know where the attic is?]

Nana: _roar; roar roar! _[translation: yes; follow us!]

Nana and Blue: [swim away]

Gandalf: [gravely] follow them.

Legolas and Aragorn: [row after the Blue Polar Bears]

Nana and Blue: [stop at a wall and look back]

Legolas and Aragorn: [stop rowing]

Gandalf: _roar roar roar roar roar? _[translation: what do we do now?]

Blue: _roar roar roar roar roar roar roar; roar roar roar roar roar _[translation: you must follow us into the water; you will have to swim]

Gandalf: _roar roar roar roar _[translation: the Hobbits cannot swim]

Nana: _roar roar roar roar roar roar _[translation: they can ride on my back]

Fellowship: [watches this exchange in astonishment]

Gandalf: [turns to the others] we will have to swim to the attic.

Sam: [stutters] b-b-but M-Mister G-G-G-Gandalf, s-sir, w-we—

Gandalf: [snaps] I know you Hobbits cannot swim. I _do _wish you would let me finish Samwise! Nana has offered to let you ride on her back. Are you ok with that?

Hobbits: [nod]

Gandalf: all right then [turns back to Nana] _roar roar roar roar roar _[translation: they have accepted your offer] 

Pippin: [worried] what about Kirby?

Gandalf: _roar roar roar roar roar roar roar roar? _[translation: how will we get Kirby to the attic?]

Blue: _roar roar roar roar roar roar roar roar roar roar_ [translation: tie her hands around my neck and I will take her]

Gandalf: _roar roar _[translation: all right] [turns to the Fellowship] ok, here's the plan. The Hobbits will ride on Nana's back, and we will tie Kirby's hands around Blue's neck so he can take her, and the rest of us will swim.

Fellowship: [nods]

Boromir: just how will we tie Kirby's hands around Blue's neck? We don't have any rope.

Fellowship: [thinks]

Gimli: [quietly] I have rope.

Fellowship minus Gimli: [turn to Gimli]

Aragorn: will you let us use it?

Gimli: [nods] [reaches into his pockets and pulls out a small piece of rope] [hands it to Aragorn]

Aragorn: [gratefully] thank you Gimli.

Gimli: [gruffly] well, I still don't like her… [tone softens] but I don't dislike her enough to let her die.

Aragorn: [nods understandingly] [turns to Gandalf and holds the rope out to him]

Gandalf: [takes the rope]

Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas: [carefully lift Kirby and set her down gently on Blue's back]

[Kirby's arms hang loosely about Blue's neck]

Gandalf: [ties the rope around Kirby's wrists, not too tightly, but not too loosely either]

Hobbits: [clamber onto Nana's back]

Frodo: [sits in front and grabs on tight to Nana]

Sam: [sits behind Frodo and puts his arms around Frodo's stomach]

Merry: [sits behind Sam and puts his arms around Sam's stomach]

Pippin: [sits behind Merry and puts his arms around Merry's stomach]

Nana: [nuzzles Kirby, but is careful with the Hobbits]

Legolas: [is the first to get up his courage] [slips off the raft but hangs on to the side]

Gandalf: [does the same as Legolas]

Aragorn: [does the same as Legolas]

Boromir: [does the same as Legolas]

Gimli: [hesitates, but then does the same as Legolas]

Blue: _roar roar _[translation: follow me] [dips under the water and swims]

Nana: [dips under the water and follows Blue]

All Who Are Not Riding Blue Polar Bears: [follow the Blue Polar Bears] [soon see that what seemed to be a wall is actually a doorway, and not just any doorway but the doorway to Kirby's room]

Blue: [swims through the room and to a closet, where he surfaces]

Nana: [surfaces in the closet]

Hobbits: [gasp for breath]

Those Who Are Not On The Bears: [surface in the closet and see that there is a small stairway that leads to a small door on the roof]

Gimli: [awed] the Attic of Kirby's House.

Blue Polar Bears and Fellowship minus Gimli: o.O

Gimli: [embarrassed]

Blue: [scrambles onto the stairs and lumbers up into the attic]

Nana: [follows Blue]

Non-Bear People: [glance at each other]

Gandalf: let's go.

Non-Bear People: [climb up the stairs and through the door] 


	6. In the Attic

Chapter 6: In the Attic  
  
Gandalf: [taps his staff on the floor and a little light shines at the top]  
  
Fellowship: [looks around the attic]  
  
[Most of Kirby's animal friends evacuated up to the attic. They see that the polka-dot macarena-dancing ants are indeed in the middle of the room singing and dancing, and they see other animals huddled in the corners. Other than that, the attic is empty]  
  
Gimli: [quietly] what a dreary place...  
  
Legolas: well...at least it's not flooded.  
  
Fellowship: [nods and murmurs in agreement]  
  
Ruby: [appears out of nowhere before the Fellowship]  
  
Fellowship: [jumps back, startled]  
  
Pippin: [sighs in relief] don't scare us like that, Miss Author!  
  
Boromir: [defensively] I was *not* scared, just...surprised, there's a big difference.  
  
Merry: sure, whatever you say Boromir.  
  
Ruby: ok, if you're finished with your little conversation, I've come to help you.  
  
Frodo: [hopefully] you have?  
  
Ruby: [smiles brightly] yes [looks around the room] now let's see...what do we need first?...Ah, yes! [snaps her fingers]  
  
[A fireplace appears in one of the corners and a fire immediately springs to life on the hearth]  
  
Fellowship: [gapes in astonishment]  
  
Gandalf: [mutters] I could have done that...  
  
Aragorn: [murmurs] then why didn't you?  
  
Gandalf: [grumbles grumpily]  
  
Ruby: [looks around again] what else do you need?...Oh! [snaps her fingers again]  
  
[Three refrigerators appear beside the fireplace. Their doors open briefly to reveal that they are stocked with food and drink, and then close once more]  
  
[Ruby the Authoress continues to snap her fingers and make things appear until at last the floor is covered with hay, there are two pink (and empty) frigidares, two large cabinets, three huge barrels, a latrine and shower are in the farthest corner and are covered by a hanging curtain, and there are ten twin-sized beds]  
  
Ruby: [turns to the Fellowship] ok, let me explain all of this to you *and* the readers [clears her throat] On this wall [gestures to the south wall (the one behind the Fellowship)] you will find that there are five beds, and at this other wall [gestures to the north wall] there are five other beds. That is where you will all sleep. Now over on that side [points to the east wall] you will find a cabinet full of clothes, and also a 'bathroom' where you can do your business and bathe. And over there [points to the west wall] you will find the fireplace, refrigerators which have food and drink inside, Nana and Blue's pink frigidares-  
  
Nana and Blue: [make happy rumbling noises]  
  
Ruby: [continues] a cabinet with some pots and pans and such, and the barrels have water in them. The hay is for the comfort of the animals that are lodging with you. Ok, did everybody get that?  
  
Fellowship: [nods]  
  
Ruby: all right then, my work here is done. So long, Fellowship! [there is a large puff of smoke, and once it's cleared, Ruby's still standing there coughing] oh, for the love of cows! [stomps out through the attic door]  
  
Fellowship: [stands silently, unsure of what to do first]  
  
Legolas: [walks over to Blue and unties Kirby's hands] [lifts her up in his arms and sets her down on the bed nearest to the fireplace] [removes his cloak and places it around her body, and then covers her with a blanket]  
  
Gandalf: Meriadoc, close the door, there's a draft blowing in.  
  
Merry: [nods] yes Gandalf [closes the attic door]  
  
Fellowship: [choose beds and place their things on top of them]  
  
Blue and Nana: [settle down in their frigidares]  
  
Gandalf and Aragorn: [walk over to tend to Kirby]  
  
Gandalf: we must make sure that she gets warm first of all.  
  
Aragorn: [wraps the blanket around Kirby and lifts her from the bed] [sits down with her in front of the fireplace]  
  
Hobbits: [sits down beside Aragorn and watch Kirby anxiously]  
  
Pippin: [concerned] will she be all right, Aragorn?  
  
Aragorn: [glances at Pippin and smiles slightly] I think she will be.  
  
SEVEN MINUTES LATER  
  
Kirby: [her lips and cheeks have regained their natural colors]  
  
Hobbits: [smile in relief]  
  
Aragorn: [glances back at Gandalf] the color has returned to her lips and cheeks, Gandalf.  
  
Gandalf: [walks over and examines Kirby] yes, I think she'll be all right now once she wakes up.  
  
Aragorn: [carries Kirby back to her bed and sets her down upon it]  
  
Hobbits: [follow after Aragorn and stand beside Kirby's bed]  
  
Gandalf: Samwise, please prepare some tea for when she wakes up. It will do her a whole world of good.  
  
Sam: [nods and runs to his pack] [pulls out his kettle and runs to one of the water barrels but can't quite reach the top]  
  
Legolas: [spots the struggling Hobbit and smiles] [walks over to him] allow me to help you [opens the barrel] [takes the kettle from Sam and fills it with water] [hands it back to Sam] there you are.  
  
Sam: thank you, Legolas [walks to the fireplace and hangs the kettle on a hook above the fire] [runs to the kitchen cabinet] [rummages around and finds a stirring spoon and mittens] [searches some more and finds a tiny packet labeled 'tea'] [runs back to the kettle and waits for the water to boil]  
  
FIVE MINUTES LATER  
  
[The water bubbles and steams, signifying that it's boiling]  
  
Sam: [jumps up from his spot on the floor] [opens the packet of tea and pours the powder into the water] [stirs the water with the spoon]  
  
THREE MINUTES LATER  
  
Sam: [pulls on the mittens and takes the kettle off of the hook, setting it down on the floor to cool]  
  
Frodo: [walks over to Sam and smiles tiredly] it was very nice of you to make the tea, Sam.  
  
Sam: [embarrassed] well, it was the least I could do, Mister Frodo.  
  
Frodo: [concerned] I hope Kirby wakes up soon...  
  
Sam: I'm sure she will, sir.  
  
Frodo and Sam: [go back to Kirby's bed and sit down on the floor]  
  
Boromir, Legolas and Gimli: [join the others at Kirby's bedside] 


End file.
